


a whole new world (don't you dare close your eyes)

by rikotan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mermaid, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Animal Death, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Merman Victor, Open Ending, Sexuality Crisis, Suicide Attempt, Yuuri Centric, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 07:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10407042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikotan/pseuds/rikotan
Summary: All in all, the beach is like an extension of his emotions.What Yuuri does not show to the others around him in his day to day life, he releases them all at the beach.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It can be trigger-y to people, but I can assure you, no one dies.
> 
>  **Trigger Warning** : Bullying, Anxiety, Canon Animal Death, Homophobic Language, Homophobia, Suicide Attempt
> 
> The opening ending is more of an opening to a better life, new stuffs to experience, new feelings to feel, kind of thing. Very narrative heavy. Title's from Aladdin's A Whole New World, even if this isn't an Aladdin AU I am sorry.
> 
> Not beta'd, but I've done a round of MSWords.

The beach near his house has always been his sanctuary. It is where he goes to the most _(other than Minako’s dance studio, the Ice Castle, or his family’s hot spring resort)_. The cries of the black-tailed gulls and the sound of the waves hitting the shore helps calm him down. It’s not that Yuuri is only at the beach when he is feeling down or depressed. He is there when he wants to be alone.

 

There are times where he just wants to detach himself from everyone else, and he moves across the sandy beach with practiced moves, translating his programme from the surface of hard, cold ice onto the soft, warm sand underneath his bare feet. He can't do the jumps, so he changes the jumps to different moves, mostly coming out from his ballet background.

 

He can't remember when was the first time that he thought that the beach is his safe spot. It was probably when he was four, when children his age bullies him just because he is quiet and shy. “You must be a girl! You look just like one, why are you coming to the same toilet as us?” Yuuri remembers one of his classmates shouting at him accusingly before pushing him out of the toilet even if he needs it very much. The teachers intervened and it did not look like something very serious in the adults’ eyes. They do not notice how Yuuri became more quiet after that encounter. He remembers running to the beach that night after dinner. The sea wind blows softly against his face, and he can almost taste the salt in the air as the wind enveloped him in like an invisible barrier, protecting himself from the outside world. He allows himself to finally cry out heartily, feeling the weight on his small shoulders being lifted as his cries sounded out across the vast ocean to a place no one could hear.

 

He feels better after that.

 

It doesn't immediately becomes a habit, but whenever he felt down, Yuuri would patter along the road, down to the beach to seclude himself from the rest of the world.

 

Soon after, he starts to enjoy being alone, occasionally joined by his toy poodle, Vicchan. He goes there when he’s happy. Getting good grades, being praised, landing the jump he always missed for the first time. He celebrates it in the comfort of solitude at the beach, as he voices out his day towards the vast ocean.

 

He goes there when he’s sad. Like falling down on the ice and not getting the choreography right, losing his book in school, being pushed around.

 

Or when he’s angry, when pent up anger for the bullies explode as he kicks the soft sand under his feet up into the air. He exhausts himself from the extra energy from angry stomps, kicks, and punches.

 

All in all, the beach is like an extension of his emotions.

 

What Yuuri does not show to the others around him in his day to day life, he releases them all at the beach.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri can hear the echos of the bullies from when he was four.

 

_“You must be a girl! You look just like one, why are you coming to the same toilet as us?”_

 

 _‘No.’_ Yuuri shakes his head, like if he shakes hard enough, maybe that thought will disappear. His hair is mussed from the with the wind blowing in from the ocean. _‘I’m not a girl.’_

 

 _‘I’m a guy. B-but …’_ He chokes a little from breathing. Bringing his right hand up, he clenches the fabric of his shirt on his left chest.

 

Puberty is a hard phase. And it only gets harder when you are _not_ like everyone else. It shocks Yuuri when he had his first wet dream. There wasn't any distinct feature of the other lead of his dream, but he was _under_ that person. And despite everything being so blurry, Yuuri could make out the shadowy figure to be belonging to a _guy_.

 

All his life, he has been exposed to heteronormativity. He is expected to grow up, maybe get a girlfriend, who will be someone Yuuri will marry and settle down with, and have a kid or two as they continue to help out at the family’s hot spring resort.

 

Maybe he knows it all along, because even if he knows he is expected of this, he couldn't see himself in living _that_ life. It felt all wrong, and the dream felt all _right_.

 

As he grows up, he gets more closed up. His only friends are Nishigori and Yuko; Minako as well, though she is his ballet instructor.

 

Hasetsu is a small town, and news spreads as quick as wildfire. A person, Yuuri can't even remember his name anymore, moved away to Tokyo after having been exposed to be together with his partner of the same sex. Japan is never a place that is open with such things, Yuuri realises. He hears everyone’s opinions about it and all of them are etched deeply into his mind.

 

_“That is unnatural.”_

 

_“What a disgrace to the family. I wonder what happened when they were raising him.”_

 

_“That’s like a perverted hobby.”_

 

_“Is he one of those people that thinks that they are a girl and wants to become one?”_

 

These voices haunts him at night, when Yuuri lies on his bed, drenched in perspiration when he has a nightmare of his family finding out about his sexual preference.

 

Anxiety does not help him.

 

Guilt eats him from inside out. Yuuri tries not to think about it. He has never been attracted to anyone in particular, even if he knows he is attracted to man. He focuses on his skating and ballet dancing, opting to push himself more in the sport instead of the fact that he is gay.

 

It helps. For awhile.

 

He climbs the ranks and became the best male skater of Japan. He goes on overseas where he’s stationed there for five years in Detroit as he studies and skate.

 

He leaves his beach behind _(his emotional support)_.

 

Anxiety consumes him from inside out.

 

He falls. Hard onto the cold ice. In front of many spectators.

 

_“Yuuri, Vicchan … he died in his sleep yesterday.”_

 

He tries so hard to keep cool but he can't. Guilt overwhelms him. He couldn't see his dog, his closest friend, one last time. How can he leave for five years, never going back to Japan even once, to see his best friend?

 

How heartless can Katsuki Yuuri be?

 

* * *

 

He can’t remember how the months passed. The season is gone, he doesn’t binge eat in pity for once because he doesn’t see the need to even eat right now. The sand feels the same from what Yuuri remembers five years ago. It is too cold for him to come out to the beach in just a shirt, but the prickling cold doesn’t bother Yuuri too much.

 

He’s too numb to feel anything.

 

Walking towards the ocean, Yuuri feels the freezing cold sea water against his bare feet. It is and almost comforting feeling, as he winces but continues walking deeping into the ocean. Waves crashes onto the shore, but Yuuri feels at peace.

 

There is no reason he should be in this world. Why was he born?

 

No one appreciates his existence. He wasn’t born like the rest. Why can his peers be living normal lives while he has to struggle internally with who he really is? If he has any regrets, it would be that he would be disappointing his family more. Yuuri knows that they care about him, but he can’t shake out the idea of them being disappointed and angry at him for not being heterosexual. He can see their disappointed expression vividly in his mind. They will be sad when he’s gone, yes, but at least he would still be _‘normal’_ in their eyes. They would not have to deal with the gossips and shame he would bring to them if they knew that he is gay.

 

The water is up to his chest, and Yuuri can already feel the pressure against his ribcage, making it harder for him to breathe. Every step becomes torturous and heavy. He is almost free.

 

He loses balance after tripping on a rock on the seabed, and Yuuri feels himself being washed further away from shore as he falls down into the ocean. He feels weightless.

 

And for a moment, he wants to cry _(maybe he is crying, but how would he know where is the start of his tears, and where is the start of the ocean?)_. Deep inside, as he feels the suffocating pain in his lungs from the lack of oxygen, he wants to live. Maybe fall in love as well.

 

Yuuri wanted to feel happy and loved for who he is. Who he truly is.

 

His mind feels hazy and he resigns to his drowning fate, slowly closing his eyes and letting the waves push him further away. The last thing he saw before he loses consciousness is a glimmer of silver before he is embraced by darkness.

 

* * *

 

_Cough._

_Cough cough cough._

 

A deep breath is inhaled, and Yuuri’s eyes immediately flutters open. _‘Am I dead? Is this the afterlife?’_ are his first thought. But he can still feel the prickling cold against his skin. His clothes are wet against him, clinging on him tightly, and above him is a stranger’s face.

 

“Are you alright?” The man spoke in accented Japanese. His eyes are a pretty colour of green and blue, and silver locks are softly flowing with the wind.

 

Yuuri has to blink for a while, not sure how he is to respond. “Am I dead?” He asks.

 

The other man just shakes his head with a soft smile, before raising a hand to swipe a lock of hair away from Yuuri’s face. “I saved you from drowning. Don’t do that again.” His voice is laced with concern and relief _(relief that he is there in time. Concerned about why would this man do such a dangerous thing as to wander so far into the ocean)_.

 

“Why?” Yuuri manages to choke out, genuinely surprised to see a stranger who is willing to go so far out into the cold ocean waters to pull him back up shore. It is only then that he notices this man in front of him isn’t wearing anything. He can still feel the waves lapping against his ankle. This means that he is at the edge of the beach.

 

The man just smiles warmly to him, “You are a very interesting person. And just as I thought I’ve not seen you in years, you end up in dangerous territory, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri grabs the man’s arm when he hears his name, “How do you know my name?” His eyes are now wide in shock, because he knows that he has never seen this person before. He doesn’t look Japanese, and the short sentence that he said seems to be loaded with information that Yuuri can’t seem to comprehend. It is only then that Yuuri looks down and he freezes on the spot.

 

Instead of a pair of legs, the man’s lower half is covered in shimmering blue scales that reflects rainbows as light bounces off them. Yuuri opens and closes his mouth a few times, but no words manage to come out. His hand moves tentatively closer to the man’s _tail_ , only to pull back, afraid of the unknown.

 

The other man continues to smile gently, as he takes Yuuri’s hand and slowly placing it on his tail. “I'm Victor. And I’ve known you for a while now, Yuuri.” The scales feel cold and slimy under his fingers, and Yuuri marvels on the fact that he has been saved by a _merman_. “You’ve always come here to the beach when you were tiny,” Victor continues, “And I’ve always wanted to know what it is like to be above the ocean, and listening to you is always interesting and fascinating.”

 

Yuuri blushes at that.

 

_He has been listening to him. He knows things that Yuuri never told anyone before._

 

“I wanted to die, Victor.” The sentence comes out in a whisper. Yuuri’s eyes are casted down at Victor’s tail, his hand still against the cold surface. “Why did you save me?”

 

“You should smile more, Yuuri.”

 

Looking up, Yuuri is met with a chaste kiss on his forehead, making him blush a few shades darker. “I know you’ve talked a lot about sad things when you are here. And that you are struggling with a lot of things I do not understand.” Strong arms pulls him close, and Yuuri is surprised that Victor’s body isn't as cold as his tail.

 

That doesn't stop him from flinching at the sudden closeness with this man.

 

“But maybe, if you allow it, I can be here for you from now on. You can tell me about everything, like how you’ve done since forever, but I’ll be here to hold you when you need support, to laugh with you when you are happy.”

 

“Why?” _Why would you do this for me?_

 

“Because you made me learn a lot of things, Yuuri.” He can feel Victor’s fingers threading through his hair. “I don’t exactly have many people to talk to or listen to. And your visits to the beach are the only thing I’ve come to enjoy since years ago. You showed me _feelings_ that I would have never knew if I didn’t come up to shore. You are important to me.”

 

“I’m … important?”

 

“You are.”

 

The moment is cut off with Yuuri sneezing and shivering. “You should go back, Yuuri.” Victor releases the Japanese man from his hug. Pulling back, Victor flops back into the ocean as he motions for Yuuri to go back.

 

“Will … I see you again, Victor?”

 

“I’ll always be here, Yuuri. You’ll come by?”

  
“I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: this isn't my first fic for yoi, only because the first one i'm writing is a multi-chapter that i've yet to start posting ;; i have no idea why i'm writing this but here it is. i needed something new to write to get a rest from the idol au that is growing in word count and chapters (and i'm stuck at places). 
> 
> putting this here as part of my writing rehab too! i'll come back with cute stuff next time ;w;b
> 
> do give me a kudos or drop a comment!  
> alternatively you can catch me at [Twitter](http://twitter.com/basashichigo)
> 
> it will also mean a lot if you can [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/rikotan) ♥ mainly to nurse myself with caffeine in the morning for work.


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